I wonder....

As I sit here in the Chicago airport, I find my mind wandering home to my family and the daughter I long to hold in my arms, Chloe Bella.  I cannot help but wonder what she is doing at this moment in time.  I wonder if she will ever know how completely in love with her I am even before seeing her face or holding her in my arms.  I wonder if she has a big personality like mine or if she is more thoughtful like Michael.  I wonder if she will be a girly girl or if she will want nothing to do with dresses or ribbons in her hair.  I wonder if she will love baby dolls or digging for worms  and hunting for toads, or both like me.  I wonder how many friends she has seen come and go (meaning adopted by other families) already in her short life.  I wonder if I will ever be able to be the mother she deserves.  I wonder if I will be able to comfort her when she cries in the beginning or if I too will be unfamiliar and scary.  I wonder if she will adore Logan right away or if that relationship will develop over time.  I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.

The wait this last month seems to be longer than the entire last 5 years I/we have been waiting.  I am crazy busy at work and you would think that would distract me, but I find myself tearing up all the time with the thoughts of finally seeing her face, holding her in my arms, and being able to welcome her into our family.  I look forward to all the "firsts" that we are going to experience with her.  I praise God for opening my heart to this child and giving me the strength (although all of you who know me know that I often questioned him and his timing/method...questioned...ha, that is kinda funny, more like swearing and telling him how wrong he was) to hold on, trust and wait for my sweet Chloe.